Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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