My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I love how my cats smell like pot.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You are a genius and a whore.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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