Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
