I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
