you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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