he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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