youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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