ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
