sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
