I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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