A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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