Nicole vs. Life
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
