That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
