very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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