some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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