She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
