Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
We are all done wearing pants today
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
