just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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