It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
