She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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