So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
