my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
