Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
