I look better un-naked...
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
