Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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