i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
