so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
