At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
