I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
