I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
this is an emotional support booty call
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
