he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
