You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Randomize
