It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
