Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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