The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
