I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
