I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
