a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
