I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Drake has all the answers
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
