he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
