Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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