i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
