I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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