if you like me you must not know who I am
i just had sex bonerless
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
