Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
