eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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