Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
