A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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