I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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