Only a mothe r could love this liver
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
