i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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