This dress was meant to end up on your floor
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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