Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
