i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
