when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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