i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
